Tuesday, September 05, 2006

The Game of Life & Other Weekend Musings

How nice it would be, at times, if what we perceive as our "real life" was as simple and easy to play as the Game of Life.This was and is a topic that I have been thinking about and toying with over the long Labor Day weekend. Sure there was plenty of political fodder in the newspapers to feed upon, but I am feeling just a tad overwhelmed with thinking politically right now. It gets my blood boiling and I think I need a break, otherwise it gets me depressed and I try to avoid that these days. I imagine a few days of "political abstinance" will have me back up to par in no time!!

But I digress..... Sometimes I wish it was as easy as driving a small plastic car, with pink or blue plastic representatives of people, around a choice of only 2 tracks and letting the game cards tell you what to do!! I am feeling in such limbo land here. As the mornings begin and I am not rushing out the door to school and dropping off child etc. I am sitting at home having my tea and blogging, which is fun, but foreign to me. Five years of routine is hard to just drop! Yesterday the manager at the coffee mega giant offered me the job I applied for and I am to talk to him today about what week to start.

See, this is all a bit daunting, to be starting an almost new life over at 40ish. I am going to be a student again, as that EMT class begins next Monday and also working a "back in college days" type job again. When I was in college I worked at a counrty club as a server for many years and also had my own catering business for 6 years. That got me through.

Anyway, I can't help but have some butterflies and nervousness at the idea of all this newness. I feel apprehensive and the smell of fear is somewhere nearby. Fear of failure. Rememeber how you used to just jump into almost anything at 21? I am not even sure if I jump in now if I'll be able to tread water!! I imagine I will, but the thoughts of learning and starting something new just seems to take my breath away.

It also seems like many other things are changing too. I don't feel the same way about people like I did. It is almost like my eyes were opened and the blinders came off. I see things differently. My tolerances seem to be lower for some things. Are they shallow or am I just seeing it for the first time? Why do I seem to be moving further away from where they are standing? I am trying to make myself better while they seem to be concerned only with them. Am I that bad? They seem to want every conversation to be about "them" and think anything about the world, but just so narrowly.Never the bigger picture. Should I be thinking so critically about them or just go with the flow and let them be them and me be me? Is it necessary that everyone around us think similarly to us?

The game is hard and relationships are not easy at all. Actually it might be easier to deal with the politics than to try and sort out relationships and personal issues!! How funny is that. You can read and read about personal improvement, but trying to put it into actual practice is a whole other ball game. I try to practice the Kaizen, that is why I chose that as a blog name, but I may start out my day with the best of intentions..... but then I find that I am not trying very hard.


thedrew102 said...

Thinking,growing and having compassion are not always easy...and just for that reason,some people are afraid of them and/or against them....myself included most times.You seem to have a theme running through your site today.Your new set of oppertunities for some reason remind me of a seed struggling up through the dirt,soon to find the beautiful sunlight.You go girl.

Anonymous said...

Growing. Not usually easy and not usually fun, but a necessity in life. Why was this the time in your life for unscheduled change? Who knows? But, I know you will make the best of it.