Wednesday, August 26, 2009
It is often interesting to me how Mixter and I are often moving in similar directions. She will mention, or blog, about something that I am either doing or thinking or have been preparing to do. Recently she mentioned that she has been in "goof off" mode..... and I am just getting back in to a very similar mode.
For weeks I was in a very high stress mode, which does not serve one well, and not very functional or happy. One of those things that we do to ourselves, self-sabotage if you will, and I was in to it full steam ahead!! I was doing the full menu of self criticism, bad-talking and just letting myself get very down on myself. As if life is not hard enough without beating yourself up!
Then, my very good friend from high school, said some things to me that made me stop and think. I also got up and started to work out again. I have also been very lax about this since my 8 week bout of bronchitis and my few weeks of bursitis in my knee. The knee issue has made it almost impossible for me to run and so I am left to walk and use the elliptical at the gym. It really does make a difference in my mental state when I am outside doing things. Walking the dog or just putzing in my gardens. I have just come to understand that the knee will never change so I had better get in to a different mind set.
I have also gotten back to journaling and writing. Several months ago I started a little project that I like to refer to as my book. Yes, you hear correctly....I am writing a book. My class reunion was really the first time that I began to actually say it outloud and tell people. Now it's real. John told me one night that the reason he gave me this laptop was not so I could just sit and do e-mail and blog, but he thought that I would one day write a book. Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather! I had never given it any thought....EVER!
He thinks that I have stories to tell and that I am pretty funny. I began to think about this.......hmmmmmm, what stories do I have to tell? Then he began to mention parts of my life and/or things that I have told him and that was when I realized....I do have some stories and they can be pretty funny. So one night I was feeling full of thoughts and I pulled an all nighter. I had to be up at 5:00 the next morning for work, but I was on fire! Jotting down chapter ideas and just typing like I was out of control. I got in to my third chapter.
I let it go for a few weeks, while I was in my slump, all the while worrying that I was wasting a good thing. This week I got them out and read them again, they are pretty funny, and got to typing again.
My job is just a means to an end. I was beginning to hate my job, but have decided that it is what allows me the freedom to write! If I had an every day 9-5 again I would not have such freedom. If I was still teaching I might have my summers off, but I would have so many daily/weekly demands that I would still be too tired during the week. No, this job is so easy and undemanding, most times or as much or as little as I make it, that it is the right place for me to be right now.
I can be pretty hard headed, but I know that it is only when I open up and listen to the good folks around me, as well as myself and my own body, am I really able to see and hear what are the right choices and decisions for me. It is truly interesting how much less we want to be concerned with the trappings of life, as we get older, but rather more with how happy our own little corner of the world might be.
Listening is a good skill. Responding to yourself......even better!