Sometimes it is amazing when karma, or whatever, chance maybe will just play out in strange and unusual ways. I was driving to class the other night when several things happened and made me think over these last few days.
As I was stopped at a traffic light I happened to look down and notice that my odometer read 142,000 miles. Then at that same moment, I kid you not, the song that was playing on the radio was Switchfoot and the lyrics, "This is your life. Are you where you want to be? This is your life. Is it everything you dreamed it would be? When the world was younger and you had everything to lose."
Well I just about froze and my mind just began to whirl. If my car had that much mileage on it that means that I do as well. Wow!! So, in a car that we have had for about 8 years that means I have about 10,900 miles a year on myself!! I wonder how that stacks up to other people and their "life mileage"?
Then I started to ponder this thought some more as I listened to the words of the song. Am I where I want to be and was this the life I had imagined. The big question is also am I who I want to be. All very heady stuff.
Yes, this is my life. Have I recconciled myself to that thought? I guess I have. There were many years that I bemoaned my life and just hated the paths that I was going down. I guess I have said to myself more than once these days that this IS my life and I will do what I want with it. There are people who question my life choices, especially now that I seem to be making some unusual changes, but to them I say this IS my life and why settle when you can do whatever you want. Why settle. I can make any changes at any time. Yes, there are times that I wish that I had known all these things earlier, but there's nothing stopping me now. There were those, and still are, who were not very encouraging as I decided to take this EMT course and they almost dissuaded me from doing so, but I kept true to myself and said yes I am taking this class and making these changes.
It's not everything I dreamed of, but is anyones? I had dreams of being in theatre and an actress, but obviously that did not come true, except... those years that I was teaching and now that I am greeting and working with the public at the coffee mega giant, these are and were times that allowed me to be "on a stage" if you will. It is quick theatre. I am on and telling jokes and making people laugh in small ways. When I have an audience I am on and no matter if I am "famous" for it or not people enjoy the conversation etc. and they remember me for it. In actuality it is like small stand up comedy. That is my outlet and it soothes that desire from my youth.
I think that we all have mileage and some of the road was smooth and there were probably potholes and slippery surfaces along the trip. There were trips that I wish I had not taken and vacation moments that I will never forget. Am I where I want to be? I guess I am right now, otherwise I am not sure where I might be. Granted, there are times that I wish I was somewhere else, but in the end I know that my vehicle would bring me back here.