What's Up

Just a little catching up to do. As well as a few pics to go along. John just got back from Norway. The company he was working for is Laderal. They make all of the first aid matereials you often see with paramedics/medical people. The face mask I have for CPR and the dummies you train with during CPR made in Norway. He brought home the "skin" of the dummies and an arm used for practicning IV insertion and several baby heads from CPR babies. Max put one of the skins on his own head and the pictures are really creepy!!

We also took casey to the groomers this weekend and she looks more like a dog rather than a walking rug!! I also believe that she was sevarl shades lighter!! The weekend was so nice we also spent a good deal of time outdoors.

Change is Good

Today's meditation was good. It greatly reflects how Mixter, Guy & I have made changes in our lives and how change is a really good thing!! Not a group of people to stick with or be satisfied with the status quo or what society might tell us is main stream and appropriate. Kudos to anyone that can riser above the crticism and family crap to make out of their life what they wish it to become!!

Today's quotation: The life you have led doesn't need to be the only life you have. Carol Clurman

Today's Meditation: Who and what have I been up until now? Does that determine who I'm going to be over the next five or ten years? I suppose the better question is: Does that necessarily determine who I'm going to be? Many people stepped into the roles they now occupy when they're very young--far too young to be able to say truly what they wish to accomplish with their lives. And once they've been in those roles for a number of years and they've started to feel a sense of safety and security, they find it almost impossible to step out of those roles. Their choices for today are determined by trying to maintain the lives they've lived up until now. But what if you're an insurance adjuster who dreams of being an actor? Are you limited in life to continuing to be an insurance adjuster for the rest of your days? What if you're a school administrator who dreams of being a classroom teacher? Are you truly limited to staying in the office for the rest of your working years? Making a choice to step off in a new direction means that sacrifice will be necessary. Many people won't make that sacrifice because family members also will be affected by their actions; what they don't seem to want to admit is that their family members also are affected--even at a very subtle level--by their dissatisfaction and their unfulfilled dreams and ambitions. We've been blessed to be born in a time of opportunity, days when almost anyone can accomplish almost anything. More and more people are finding out that they don't have to maintain the status quo for the sake of security, but that they're willing to make a shift in their lives for the sake of fulfillment. And even though struggles surely will rise up, they can't compare to the riches that we'll find through the fulfillment of our dreams and wishes and aspirations.

Questions to consider: What kind of life would you like to be living? What would you have to do to achieve that kind of life? How can it be possible for us to live more than one life? Who determines the courses and patterns of our lives?

For further thought: Life is the ability to start over again. Joan Chittiste

New Shirt

After Talking about how I had just discovered this show, Weeds, I saw an episode where the Uncle had made tee shirts that he could not sell. The printer had made a "mistake". The letter T was left off and so we ended up with the name Chris. I saw the shirt and laughed my ass off!! i said out loud that I would love to find that shirt....and so I did. I am now waiting for it to come in the mail.

I find it very funny & I a m sure that many will find it annoying.

The Book, The Blog & Weeds

After working for nine days, in a row, I was ready for these last two days off!! My boss is going on vacation soon and so I expect that I will be working a good deal more AND not having two days off in a row!! Something that I consider a luxury. Nothing gives you a better mental health break than to have two days to putz around, read, write and whatever the hell you feel like doing. That, my friends, is exactly what I have been doing.

Obviously I am devoting time today to blogging. Something that I greatly enjoy and also consider part of mental health routine care. How outstanding is it that I do not even need to use my insurance or pay any kind of co-pay to reap the benefits.

I sometimes feel negligent when I do not have anything current to write about, but I know that I am busy as well as the good folks that I co-write with. Mixter is making a big move and I can not even imagine moving at this time in my life with all the STUFF that has accumulated in said time! All the best to Mixter as she makes this journey!! Hopefully you have a strapping lad to lend a hand or two!!

Naturally there are issues, like health care , to be discussed and our often continuous religious debates. I must say that I did watch Obama the other night and I am glad that I did and he did make me feel better about the direction that the health care issues are heading. I may not always feel that way, but for now I am not fretting.

I have gotten myself to chapter five in my book. Which, for someone who did not think that they had much to say, seems to be a good deal. I went back and read what I had written in the first three and it made me laugh so I think that I am heading in the direction that I intended. My best friend from high school has given me much good input as to possible topics and it has greatly increased my creative juices.

I do feel as though I have jumped around, topic wise, and I believe that this is why people have editors! A few people have offered and I am thinking about who I will have proof read etc.

I have also discovered, thanks to a friend at work, the Showtime series "Weeds". Always a bit behind the times and trends AND we have never had Showtime, I am watching it on Netflix on my laptop. It is an excellent show. If you have not heard or ever seen this show it is about a suburban housewife whose husband drops dead and she begins to sell pot to make ends meet. There is a plethora of neighbors and people that live in their development that are crazy characters. I sit with my earbuds in and laugh and laugh. I know my neighbors must think I am crazy as I sit out there in the early mornings watching season one laughing out loud.

The other thing that is continuously drawing me into this show is the cast of strong women characters. None of them are delicate little flowers, but strong and in your face women. Just my kind of folks! I love it when people introduce me to something that I end up really enjoying and now....I do it for you all.

Awesome Basterds

I am a great lover of Quentin Tarrentino, as most of you know, and this latest film is no exception. As we were getting our tickets the girl warned us that it was very violent. I asked her if many people had complained. She said that some people had actually left and demanded their money back. So, I was ready for some good 'ol Tarrentino violence and gore!

I do not know what might have been wrong with those folks, but as his movies go this one was really low on both levels. I even described it to several people as somewhat lame by Tarrentino standards. Nowhere near the levels of Kill Bill or Death Proof. This film was more about his excellent skills at writing and weaving the dialog and the story.

I will be seeing this one again. There is such great dialog and the characters have some wonderful exchanges. I know that I missed many things and need to see it again to pick up on all the small details. As I have said before he has so much in every scene that I was busy looking at his visuals and sometimes missed what was going on with the actors.

As always he had small surprises and treats for those who follow his work. The addition of Samuel Jackson, who is in several of his films, as well as Harvey Kietel. Also it is interesting to see where and how he adds feet. he always has someone barefoot. In this film it was the German actress. Uma Thurman in two previous films.

I could go on forever, but will just stop here and say that it was such an enjoyable film I will go again and if you have not seen it you might think about giving it a try! Also I might add that it took what is a very boring subject, for me, and made it quite an interesting story.

Listening

It is often interesting to me how Mixter and I are often moving in similar directions. She will mention, or blog, about something that I am either doing or thinking or have been preparing to do. Recently she mentioned that she has been in "goof off" mode..... and I am just getting back in to a very similar mode.

For weeks I was in a very high stress mode, which does not serve one well, and not very functional or happy. One of those things that we do to ourselves, self-sabotage if you will, and I was in to it full steam ahead!! I was doing the full menu of self criticism, bad-talking and just letting myself get very down on myself. As if life is not hard enough without beating yourself up!

Then, my very good friend from high school, said some things to me that made me stop and think. I also got up and started to work out again. I have also been very lax about this since my 8 week bout of bronchitis and my few weeks of bursitis in my knee. The knee issue has made it almost impossible for me to run and so I am left to walk and use the elliptical at the gym. It really does make a difference in my mental state when I am outside doing things. Walking the dog or just putzing in my gardens. I have just come to understand that the knee will never change so I had better get in to a different mind set.

I have also gotten back to journaling and writing. Several months ago I started a little project that I like to refer to as my book. Yes, you hear correctly....I am writing a book. My class reunion was really the first time that I began to actually say it outloud and tell people. Now it's real. John told me one night that the reason he gave me this laptop was not so I could just sit and do e-mail and blog, but he thought that I would one day write a book. Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather! I had never given it any thought....EVER!

He thinks that I have stories to tell and that I am pretty funny. I began to think about this.......hmmmmmm, what stories do I have to tell? Then he began to mention parts of my life and/or things that I have told him and that was when I realized....I do have some stories and they can be pretty funny. So one night I was feeling full of thoughts and I pulled an all nighter. I had to be up at 5:00 the next morning for work, but I was on fire! Jotting down chapter ideas and just typing like I was out of control. I got in to my third chapter.

I let it go for a few weeks, while I was in my slump, all the while worrying that I was wasting a good thing. This week I got them out and read them again, they are pretty funny, and got to typing again.

My job is just a means to an end. I was beginning to hate my job, but have decided that it is what allows me the freedom to write! If I had an every day 9-5 again I would not have such freedom. If I was still teaching I might have my summers off, but I would have so many daily/weekly demands that I would still be too tired during the week. No, this job is so easy and undemanding, most times or as much or as little as I make it, that it is the right place for me to be right now.

I can be pretty hard headed, but I know that it is only when I open up and listen to the good folks around me, as well as myself and my own body, am I really able to see and hear what are the right choices and decisions for me. It is truly interesting how much less we want to be concerned with the trappings of life, as we get older, but rather more with how happy our own little corner of the world might be.

Listening is a good skill. Responding to yourself......even better!

Unbelieveable & Unacceptable

I could barely contain my anger as I read this Time Magazine article about an Atheist couple that are being denied adoption.

I can not even believe that, in the year 2009, there has to be any debate about this issue. Or non-issue as I see it.

A person, or a couples, belief system should not come into play at anytime during an adoption proceeding. Raising good kids does not mean that you have to inject their little heads with all kinds of fictional Bible stories to make them good people. Force them to wear dresses and ties and go to church on Sundays and sit still for hours on end as they listen to pompous religious leaders telling them how they are going to burn in hell.

The idea of adopting is to make sure that the people are safe and not kooks. Their belief in a Big Guy in the Sky should make no difference in whether they can afford to raise and care for children or if they have a clean home that is safe from all childhood dangers. The lack of a God belief is not nor should it be a qualifier.

The idea of judges making "God belief" a necessary element for adoption is appalling. Good people are good people and I, for one, am tired as hell of the demonizing of Atheists and non-believers.

Death Proof

Yes, I am a bit behind the times. I just watched Death Proof last night for the first time. It most certainly will not be the last!!!

I have been a Quentin Tarrentino fan for many years, but just never took the time to go see the Grind House movies when they were in the theatre. Last night a good friend invited me, and a nice bottle of wine, over to watch Death Proof. I LOVED it!!

I have always found Kurt Russell hot, especially the older version, but in this film he looks especially good, BUT is a character like he has never played. A character like only Tarrentino could create. Never forgettable.

To be sure there is MUCH dialog!! Far more than I believe in any past films. You really have to watch and listen. As usual the characters are SOOOO multidimensional. Just some awesome lines. Many I wish that I could memorize and use in real life. So many references to his past work and homages to film noire that are Tarrentino trademarks.

As always it was also a visual treat! He puts so much into a scene that you have so many choices of what to look at....it is hard to stay in one place. I saw a Brad Pitt interview for the new film, Inglorious Basterds, and he stated that Quentin knows very certainly how he wants his films to look etc. down to the most minute details. That is obvious to those of us who are fans.

By the end I was howling with laughter, dark as it may have been, and screaming with surprise. Not at all for the faint of heart. Those turned off by and violence, especially the dark and gratuitous sort, should not even bother to watch. If you are a fan of any sort of dark humor, and I mean really dark, and you might enjoy some crazy surprises and car crashes...then you should rent Death Proof. It is a solid, fun romp!!

One for Our Team!

Looks like the Iowa Atheists and Freethinkers were able to score one for the team!!

The ads that had been on the sides of the city buses about a lack of God had been taken off and then the group was able to get them put back on!! Good for them. If every church in the state and town is able to advertise I don't see any reason why another group can not put their signage up as well. Besides I think the sign is funny! "Don't believe in God? You are not alone." Funny stuff.

I have actually contacted the United Coalition of Reason to see what it would take to get a group started up in the college town where I live. I think that it would be very well received. I'll let ya know how that works out!! Maybe we can get some good signs on our local buses!!

They Got Me!

See this picture? Yes Virginia, this is what happens to people who take Benadryll and then drink a glass of wine as a chaser!

Sunday was about the hottest it has been all summer. I think that they said that the heat index was about 113. Factor in the humidity and it is easy to say that it was a miserable day. I got off work right in the midst of it.

My plan was to come home, get some wine and water my gardens. Little did I know that there was a clan of yellow jackets taking up a living space in the bricks of my basement! So when I was moving the hose around and beginning to water I was pissing them off. In that heat I think that they were quite angry!

So I got stung several times in my right shoulder and as I was dealing with that a few more of them got up the sleeve of my tee shirt, on the right armpit, and started to sting. I went running down the driveway screaming. Now here comes the part that really pisses me off! I was running with my glass of wine and I had to throw it and it broke all over my backyard! A seriously annoying waste of good wine.

My neighbors have seen me water with wine many times. I am sure that I have now solidified their thoughts of me as a raging,crazy drunk!!

I came in the house as soon as I was sure that there were no more on me and found some Benedryll to take. I sat down with my new glass of wine to watch one of my fave movies, "Underworld". John took this pic as the drugs and wine were beginning to work. Good thing I have seen that movie a zillion times!

Coffee Brewing Can Be Dangerous

Thursday I sprained my left pinkie finger at work. I was making some drinks in a blender and my little finger went under the counter while the rest of my hand went above AND in another direction. It hurt and swelled IMMEDIATELY! OUCH!!!!!

Naturally it was during the morning rush and we were quite busy. Everyone saw my reaction and knew that I was in pain. One customer told me to get it on ice right away. It was one of those incidents that makes you get goose bumps and a cold sweat as soon as it happens.

I iced for a few minutes and then got the medical tape from the first aid kit and taped the last two fingers together and that was how I worked the rest of my shift. Took a few ibuprofen and drank a few more shots of espresso.

Not much you can do with a sprained little finger, so after a few days of taping it, icing and resting it I am using the compression sleeve that John got for his injury in India. This keeps it in place and I don't have to worry about moving it or bumping it when I go back to work tomorrow.

Maybe this is God's way of paying me back for even thinking about going with Mixter & Guy!!

Vacation!!

I took some much needed and well deserved time off this past weekend. Four days to be exact. Today is the last day. Why do we acrue vacation time if we don't use it once in awhile for mental health time? Also, my best friend from high school was here for our class reunion. He comes in from New York and we always go on a standing date.

Max turns 19 today. He spent the weekend working on his car. New muffler, various filters etc.

We hung out, I putzed in the garden, watched misc. movies, drank wine, slept late, never set the alarm. Ate too much. John & I went to Quaker Steak & Lube on a gift card. They have deep fried pickles as an appetizer! I was in heaven. So few people have them and I really love them!! Long, breaded spears with an awesome dipping sauce.

John left today for Norwalk, Ohio. Still eeking out work! A machine that was sold some time ago and just getting built, but work none the less. Aftre this there is nothing else, but he still has expenses to do from India, so that may take him to September at least.

My pals Mixter & Guy are off to the Creation Museum! They even offered to come and pick me up, but my work schedule was already set. Have a good time kids!! an't wait to see and hear all about this adventure!

So, I leave you now with a few snap shots of my excellent mental health weekend!!

Out to Lunch?

Where was God when this father was letting his daughter die? Out to lunch maybe? Sarcastic? You bet! Another of these religious whack jobs lets his kid die while waiting for the Lord to step in and heal her.

I am so tired of these stories on so many levels. I am tired of these nut job parents, whether they really believe it or not, waiting for God to heal their ill children. Are there no people in the lives of these kids that could turn them in to human services? Are there no teachers , neighbors or outside people that ever come into contact with these sick or mistreated kids?

I was thrilled this morning when I read that the parents of the deceased girl were both found guilty in her death.

"A central Wisconsin man accused of killing his 11-year-old daughter by praying instead of seeking medical care was found guilty Saturday of second-degree reckless homicide."

She could not walk, talk or eat! " The father testified that he thought Madeline had the flu or a fever, and several relatives and family friends said they also did not realize how sick she was."
I don't know about your experiences, but when my kid had the flu his symptoms were never this severe.

Yet another good example of how the crazy, Christian whack jobs can't think for themselves. They have bought into "group think" and are yet more sheeple who think that there is a big sky daddy that rules their lives. They simply are too afraid of real life to live it on their own terms and to think on their own!

I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up

I have not posted for awhile......been dealing with some personal stuff. When you are generally a strong individual you too can sometimes bend, but being strong also means that you can pull yourself up as well. It just takes some time and some reflection.

So, yesterday afternoon we were all doing this out in the yard. It was a beautiful Sat. and there were things to be done! Max was messing with the brakes and a new muffler on his car, John was instructing and I had been pulling various weeds and the like from my gardens all the while sipping a nice red wine.

When all was said and done Max and his girlfriend were walking down the driveway to head to the mall and John and I were going inside when they came back to get me and said that there was an old lady laying on the sidewalk out front!

I told John to call 911 and I ran out front. There she was laying on the sidewalk, her walking chair tipped over and some smallish, freaked out woman was consoling her. I went in to EMT mode and began to assess her situation. They were trying to get her out for a walk, but she hit a crack in the sidewalk and fell. The other lady could not get her up and was freaked out.

The victim really wanted to get up, but I was wary, due to her age to let her just get up. John came out with his cell phone and they just wanted to call family. She lives on the lower end of our street. Just her and her elderly husband. One of her kids was going to come over. They really did not want EMS called although her did hit her head and I was concerned about that.

She did get helped home, by John and her son, and as we walked home I noticed something. There were other neighbors out on their porch and they had just watched the whole thing unfold and never once said anything, or offered any assistance. Even if it wasn't needed. How could they see us, on the sidewalk, with this very elderly woman and not get up and ask if help was needed?

As we were still on the sidewalk I noticed that an SUV pulled up near us and the kid whose dad lives in the house we were in front of, got out of the car and ran inside for a few seconds and then back out. His mom had pulled up a few feet away and let him out of the car. She saw us all huddled around this old lady, she had previously lived on this street when married to the kids dad, and she did not even roll down the window to ask if we needed anything! I was shocked or maybe I am just naive?

Are people so indifferent? How could/can you ignore someone laying on a sidewalk or in a street? Especially in such a residential neighborhood. It's not like we were in a ghetto or inner city setting. It is very unusual to see something like that here. I was happy that Max came back to get me. It is nice to know that he knew that it was the right thing to do. I hate to think that these other neighbors saw this happen/happening and were so indifferent that they did nothing.

I know that in this day and age people rarely know their neighbors anymore, but I still can not imagine how you can see someone in need of assistance and not do anything.

She said that she did have a bump on her head. You can't make anyone transport or receive assistance if they do not want it, so I just hope that she is okay today.

Up in Smoke

"A Pentagon-commissioned report urges the Defense Department to ban smoking in the military, even by combat troops in battle zones, a proposal that quickly ignited a controversy among service members."

I don't smoke and have never smoked cigarettes, but this shit is really pissing me off! Where in the hell do they get these ridiculous ideas? As if the stress levels of soldiers in battle or high stress combat type situations needs to be any higher. They want to take away what might possibly be the only stress reliever that they have in their day. Lord knows they can't drink so who cares if they want to smoke!!

We are talking about adults here folks. If they want to smoke then who has the right to tell them that they can not. This is getting too out of control. The smoking Nazi's have killed off much of the smaller pubs and bars, unless they have put in an outdoor patio area where smokers can hang out, and now they want to tell the folks putting their lives on the line in foreign countries that they too must put out their butts!! Insane.

IT appears that they are trying to use the costs to the VA as part of their argument. Maybe these last few wars have a little more to do with the rising costs to the VA and the new ways in which wars are being fought and the types of weaponry that is being used. Let's blame it on cigarettes anyway.


"The bottom line, it said, is that while the Pentagon and the VA have made strides toward reducing smoking and chewing, “tobacco use continues to impair military readiness.”"
Smoking impairs their readiness!! Are they kidding with this? Well, I guess they must set their weapon down to light up, take their hands off the wheel to take a drag. Just another example of wasted money on a wasted study. How about more time and money spent on improving the services that the VA gives to these people when they return home? How about better mental health treatment and maybe so many returning vets would not be committing suicide. There is much more the VA could be doing for these vets rather than take away something .

Camp Pics & Stories

Great weekend camping. Even though a big storm came through, and we came home early, there was still enough fun , relaxation, drinking and trail hiking to make it all worth setting up tents and getting fire wood.

It was quite warm Friday and Sue & I got there early to set up tents and wait for the rest of the group to arrive. I had brought along a nice chilled Pinot Grigio, a very good hot weather summer white, and she had vodka and something. between setting up tents and playing with poles and rain flys we would sit down and have some more beverage. I was sweating like crazy!! It was hot and humid.

Once we were all there we sat and talked while I was chopping peppers, red & yellow, along with onions to put in the foil meal with chicken, kielbasa and various seasoning. Sue had brought a large quantity of potatoes already wrapped and seasoned in foil. I put the five pound bag of charcoal into the fire pit and we sat to talk and drink some more while waiting for the fire to be ready.

An important lesson was to be learned at this point. I now know why drinking was not an option when I was with the Boy Scouts. You simply can not cook a decent meal when intoxicated!! The potatoes fell apart and we could not save them from the fire. The chicken foil meals were a mess! The chicken was burnt so black that we were able to get maybe two bites out of the centers and the sausage was more like small charcoal briquettes. Lucky for us that we were all smashed and laughed until we all cried.....then we went to the snack box and made it do for dinner.

About midnight I simply was done. I had finished my wine and was ready for serious sleep. I guess they all sat up a bit longer and my friend Vince took a night hike until three in the morning and then went to bed.


I was up first and knew I had to get some water on to make coffee! I brought my French Press and a really good coffee. If you have never had a press let me tell you that it is an excellent way to have your cup 'a Joe. The flavor is the best and it also will kick your caffeination butt!! There were still hot coals in the fire ring so I just got it going again and put the pot of water on to boil. Sue brought some Starbucks cups to use. They have a Bux in the hospital where she works. Just the ticket, along with some almond cookies, to take off the hangover edge!!

Then Vince and I hit a few trails before the storm arrived. How I love walking through the woods. Surrounded by all the green. The trees, the moss, the ferns....I could have gone for miles! We finally had some time to discuss various topics such as cap and trade, the Obama and military smoking debacle, as well as a book that he going to give me to read about the secret societies/religion/Catholic church/Freemasons and the beginnings of man and this country. I can not remember the title, but he says that it is a fascinating read! I am looking forward to reading it. Vince was a political science major so he really knows his stuff, but we rarely have time to talk at work except for a few snippets here and there.

Now I am home and already looking forward to an August weekend. John will be laid off by then and we'll be able to take the dog. It is just too much for me to do without him along. It was amazing how much mental cleansing just that short time was able to give me. I know that I will be able to carry that with me for at least several days now!!

Gone Camping

Hitting the trail today!! For this past week I have been airing out my tent, that has not seen daylight since our backpacking trip to New Mexico in 2004, cleaned out the pack and have been making shopping lists etc. to get ready for this weekend. Not going too far or anywhere special. Just a local state park, but one that I have never camped at or near in all the years I was actively camping/hiking.

I wish I had been able to take the entire weekend off, but it is hard to do right now as my boss is having personal issues and I don't want to cause too much motion in the ocean, so two days will have to do! I am just excited to get out there and sit around a fire and sleep in a tent.

I am going with some friends who also love to camp, got the camp site and invited me. I am going to show them how to cook some good foil meals and they are bringing some nice white wine for me. Sounds like a fair trade!! I will only have my crappy cell phone camera, but if I take any picture worthy of showing I will post it sometime on Sunday!!

Have a great weekend all!!

Simply Hilarious

Sony Releases New Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work

I Am a Mermaid

"Well, where DO the Mermaids stand? All the "Mermaids"--all those who are different, who do not fit the norm and who do not accept the available boxes and pigeonholes?"

Robert Fulghum, from the article, " Mermaids".

Lately I have been wondering many things about myself. I have been coming close to my class reunion and that has sparked a few random thoughts. Like, why don't I look and dress more like the other women/girls that I graduated with, or why don't I look more like the moms of the girls that I work with? Why do I listen to music that is out of touch with where most of them are and what they listen to?

This whole reunion things has me asking myself why I am not more like them as if it makes me less grown up.

I have seen a few of them on Facebook and they remind me of bank tellers or even the stereotypical school teacher. They have their smart little wedge or short hair cuts, sweater sets with matching Keds sneakers and "mom jeans". This never used to phase me, but now, as I approach the 30th reunion, I am wondering why .......

I loved the fact that I am still so unconventional and quirky. That I only wear clothing in black, white and a bit of red. It has sure made dressing easier! That my musical interests span a wide array of styles and bands with names like the Sick Puppies.

I used to yearn to "fit in". Maybe that was another reason why I "church shopped". because I thought that in order to fit in I also had to have the traditional belief system like the rest of them.

As I read this article today, about the mermaid it made me realize how lucky I am to be unique and not fit into any hole or anyone's idea of who I am , or should be, and what I should be doing with my life. I can not tell you how many people have berated me for not going back out and getting a teaching job! I have stopped trying to explain myself and justify what I am doing.

For those of us who are mermaids I say that it feels good to swim against the current and I like it!!

Marriage, Affairs & Economics

On my day off I usually like to read through many of the news publications that I don't often have time to read. Time, Newsweek, and the like. There was a particularly interesting article, at Time, that caught my attention. It is about the state of the American marriage.

I found this to be interesting because as I was reading other news about the various senators and their extramarital affairs it got me thinking. How much easier it is for these guys, who have unlimited funds to find easy ways, and have the funds to do so, cheat and do it for longer periods of time and not get caught.

Now, bear with me here, I am not thinking about it myself, but just realized how much harder it would be for the poorer of us to find ways to do such a thing. In order to cheat you must be able to go places, where you think you can not be discovered and when finances are quite limited that is not an option. One must have various electronic gadgets to communicate with said dalliance and if you are poor you might just have a basic cell phone with limited technology. Yes, technology would also seem to be important when one is considering an affair.

You must also have the ability to travel and/or get to out of the way places or countries where you risk less chance of being seen by friends, neighbors and colleagues. This would require sums of money. When one is barley able to afford McDonalds or a cheap bottle of wine getting out of town, let alone out of the country, city, or state, is out of the question.

What is the point? The Time article asks the question why do people still get married. It's not like it was in the old days when people were in arranged marriages, or needed to have many children to toil and till the family farm. Today you can choose to live together without the legal ties of marriage.

"The fundamental question we must ask ourselves at the beginning of the century is this: What is the purpose of marriage? Is it — given the game-changing realities of birth control, female equality and the fact that motherhood outside of marriage is no longer stigmatized — simply an institution that has the capacity to increase the pleasure of the adults who enter into it? If so, we might as well hold the wake now: there probably aren't many people whose idea of 24-hour-a-day good times consists of being yoked to the same romantic partner, through bouts of stomach flu and depression, financial setbacks and emotional upsets, until after many a long decade, one or the other eventually dies in harness.

Or is marriage an institution that still hews to its old intention and function — to raise the next generation, to protect and teach it, to instill in it the habits of conduct and character that will ensure the generation's own safe passage into adulthood? Think of it this way: the current generation of children, the one watching commitments between adults snap like dry twigs and observing parents who simply can't be bothered to marry each other and who hence drift in and out of their children's lives — that's the generation who will be taking care of us when we are old."

I never asked myself that question before John & I got married. This week we will have been together for 16 years. It wasn't for the continuation of a family name, or just to have kids, you don't really have to be married for that. It was because we were both tired of the "dating" scene and wanted someone to "be with". Not someone different every night, week or month. We were both tired of everything else that was out there and now we are beginning to share the other side of life. The part where your crap starts to fall apart and the aches and pains begin. We have also seen each other through several down cycles and poorer times. Another which is due to begin in a few weeks when he returns from what is supposed to be his last job.

We are now so comfortable together that we have become quite similar in thoughts and actions. I am still more outgoing and he more introspective, but the way we react to the outside world is becoming quite the same. Maybe that is what marriage is all about. That the two people involved become really one. Maybe that is why it is so much easier if you do have less in the way of money and possessions. This way you do not yearn for things/people that you do not or can not have. You become happy and content with the things you do have and recognize their intrinsic value as opposed to yearning for the bigger, better or best.

I know many younger people who are still marrying or planning to marry. Yet, many can not tell you why. Aside from the fact that they want the fairy tale wedding or because it is what their parents or God want/expect them to do. I am not sure that I would again. I am not sure that it is even necessary. You can, and I would, still live together within the same boundries that I am living now. There would still be the commitment that I have now. There would just be no legal paper stating that fact. Although that does raise questions of ownership and other misc. if the partner should become ill etc. Insurance is another issue altogether.

No, in this day and age I am not sure that marriage is as important or as necessary as it used to be.

Way to go Bill!!!

Simple Honesty

I like the simple and honest labels that they have put on the cigarettes that John is buying in India.

Who's Blue

It has happened to many before me. It must just be my turn. I am blue. In a nasty funk. As a matter of fact I believe that I have hit a new low. I have had several drinks and have been under a blanket watching a terrible Lifetime movie. Complete with all the terrible actors that have maintained their careers on this network.

Even though I asked for the promotion at work emotionally it is wreaking havoc right now. Some asshole almost made me cry the other day. Over a stupid cup of coffee!! Can you imagine? Because I could not hear his order, over the grinder, steaming milk and other 20 people in line, he got really nasty and for some reason it just nearly brought me to tears. I have been such a hormonal pile of mush these last two weeks!

My patience has been very short and I can hardly tolerate anyone I work with. My kid is making me crazy and John is close to his final days at work. The adjustment to the pay cut has been drastic and I am not sure how it will work with unemployment. I had really hoped that things would turn around before it came to this. Alas......... reality rears its ugly head! Change is hard.