Farewell Good Friend

It is with great sadness that I and others are bidding a fond farewell to our good friend and fellow blogging Mixter. Mixter and I met by accident on the world wide web. I just followed a link which lead to a link and then.....it is history. I fell in love with Mix's point of view and began to be a regular reader and commentor.

Through all the social commentary and changes and points of view I followed along and was eventually asked to join the Mix and become a fellow writer. Thus began our reign of atheistic terror!! We began to have many months of religious discourse with several followers. Now....we must bid it all farewell.

I am sad at the loss of the Mix and hope to continue some of her spunk here in my little corner of the world. With far less readership, but with lots of heart! I hope her spirit sticks with me.

Best of luck Mix in all your future endeavors. That includes Guy too.

Sunday Afternoon

Nothing says Sunday like a nice bottle of Evil Chardonnay!! Walked in to my favorite wine purveyor, after work today, and saw this nice little bottle was their feature. I think I have discovered my new fave for taking to parties and cozy "get-togethers"! Also comes in a Cabernet.

Change is Good

Today's meditation was good. It greatly reflects how Mixter, Guy & I have made changes in our lives and how change is a really good thing!! Not a group of people to stick with or be satisfied with the status quo or what society might tell us is main stream and appropriate. Kudos to anyone that can riser above the crticism and family crap to make out of their life what they wish it to become!!

Today's quotation: The life you have led doesn't need to be the only life you have. Carol Clurman

Today's Meditation: Who and what have I been up until now? Does that determine who I'm going to be over the next five or ten years? I suppose the better question is: Does that necessarily determine who I'm going to be? Many people stepped into the roles they now occupy when they're very young--far too young to be able to say truly what they wish to accomplish with their lives. And once they've been in those roles for a number of years and they've started to feel a sense of safety and security, they find it almost impossible to step out of those roles. Their choices for today are determined by trying to maintain the lives they've lived up until now. But what if you're an insurance adjuster who dreams of being an actor? Are you limited in life to continuing to be an insurance adjuster for the rest of your days? What if you're a school administrator who dreams of being a classroom teacher? Are you truly limited to staying in the office for the rest of your working years? Making a choice to step off in a new direction means that sacrifice will be necessary. Many people won't make that sacrifice because family members also will be affected by their actions; what they don't seem to want to admit is that their family members also are affected--even at a very subtle level--by their dissatisfaction and their unfulfilled dreams and ambitions. We've been blessed to be born in a time of opportunity, days when almost anyone can accomplish almost anything. More and more people are finding out that they don't have to maintain the status quo for the sake of security, but that they're willing to make a shift in their lives for the sake of fulfillment. And even though struggles surely will rise up, they can't compare to the riches that we'll find through the fulfillment of our dreams and wishes and aspirations.

Questions to consider: What kind of life would you like to be living? What would you have to do to achieve that kind of life? How can it be possible for us to live more than one life? Who determines the courses and patterns of our lives?

For further thought: Life is the ability to start over again. Joan Chittiste

The Book, The Blog & Weeds

After working for nine days, in a row, I was ready for these last two days off!! My boss is going on vacation soon and so I expect that I will be working a good deal more AND not having two days off in a row!! Something that I consider a luxury. Nothing gives you a better mental health break than to have two days to putz around, read, write and whatever the hell you feel like doing. That, my friends, is exactly what I have been doing.

Obviously I am devoting time today to blogging. Something that I greatly enjoy and also consider part of mental health routine care. How outstanding is it that I do not even need to use my insurance or pay any kind of co-pay to reap the benefits.

I sometimes feel negligent when I do not have anything current to write about, but I know that I am busy as well as the good folks that I co-write with. Mixter is making a big move and I can not even imagine moving at this time in my life with all the STUFF that has accumulated in said time! All the best to Mixter as she makes this journey!! Hopefully you have a strapping lad to lend a hand or two!!

Naturally there are issues, like health care , to be discussed and our often continuous religious debates. I must say that I did watch Obama the other night and I am glad that I did and he did make me feel better about the direction that the health care issues are heading. I may not always feel that way, but for now I am not fretting.

I have gotten myself to chapter five in my book. Which, for someone who did not think that they had much to say, seems to be a good deal. I went back and read what I had written in the first three and it made me laugh so I think that I am heading in the direction that I intended. My best friend from high school has given me much good input as to possible topics and it has greatly increased my creative juices.

I do feel as though I have jumped around, topic wise, and I believe that this is why people have editors! A few people have offered and I am thinking about who I will have proof read etc.

I have also discovered, thanks to a friend at work, the Showtime series "Weeds". Always a bit behind the times and trends AND we have never had Showtime, I am watching it on Netflix on my laptop. It is an excellent show. If you have not heard or ever seen this show it is about a suburban housewife whose husband drops dead and she begins to sell pot to make ends meet. There is a plethora of neighbors and people that live in their development that are crazy characters. I sit with my earbuds in and laugh and laugh. I know my neighbors must think I am crazy as I sit out there in the early mornings watching season one laughing out loud.

The other thing that is continuously drawing me into this show is the cast of strong women characters. None of them are delicate little flowers, but strong and in your face women. Just my kind of folks! I love it when people introduce me to something that I end up really enjoying and now....I do it for you all.

Listening

It is often interesting to me how Mixter and I are often moving in similar directions. She will mention, or blog, about something that I am either doing or thinking or have been preparing to do. Recently she mentioned that she has been in "goof off" mode..... and I am just getting back in to a very similar mode.

For weeks I was in a very high stress mode, which does not serve one well, and not very functional or happy. One of those things that we do to ourselves, self-sabotage if you will, and I was in to it full steam ahead!! I was doing the full menu of self criticism, bad-talking and just letting myself get very down on myself. As if life is not hard enough without beating yourself up!

Then, my very good friend from high school, said some things to me that made me stop and think. I also got up and started to work out again. I have also been very lax about this since my 8 week bout of bronchitis and my few weeks of bursitis in my knee. The knee issue has made it almost impossible for me to run and so I am left to walk and use the elliptical at the gym. It really does make a difference in my mental state when I am outside doing things. Walking the dog or just putzing in my gardens. I have just come to understand that the knee will never change so I had better get in to a different mind set.

I have also gotten back to journaling and writing. Several months ago I started a little project that I like to refer to as my book. Yes, you hear correctly....I am writing a book. My class reunion was really the first time that I began to actually say it outloud and tell people. Now it's real. John told me one night that the reason he gave me this laptop was not so I could just sit and do e-mail and blog, but he thought that I would one day write a book. Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather! I had never given it any thought....EVER!

He thinks that I have stories to tell and that I am pretty funny. I began to think about this.......hmmmmmm, what stories do I have to tell? Then he began to mention parts of my life and/or things that I have told him and that was when I realized....I do have some stories and they can be pretty funny. So one night I was feeling full of thoughts and I pulled an all nighter. I had to be up at 5:00 the next morning for work, but I was on fire! Jotting down chapter ideas and just typing like I was out of control. I got in to my third chapter.

I let it go for a few weeks, while I was in my slump, all the while worrying that I was wasting a good thing. This week I got them out and read them again, they are pretty funny, and got to typing again.

My job is just a means to an end. I was beginning to hate my job, but have decided that it is what allows me the freedom to write! If I had an every day 9-5 again I would not have such freedom. If I was still teaching I might have my summers off, but I would have so many daily/weekly demands that I would still be too tired during the week. No, this job is so easy and undemanding, most times or as much or as little as I make it, that it is the right place for me to be right now.

I can be pretty hard headed, but I know that it is only when I open up and listen to the good folks around me, as well as myself and my own body, am I really able to see and hear what are the right choices and decisions for me. It is truly interesting how much less we want to be concerned with the trappings of life, as we get older, but rather more with how happy our own little corner of the world might be.

Listening is a good skill. Responding to yourself......even better!

Vacation!!

I took some much needed and well deserved time off this past weekend. Four days to be exact. Today is the last day. Why do we acrue vacation time if we don't use it once in awhile for mental health time? Also, my best friend from high school was here for our class reunion. He comes in from New York and we always go on a standing date.

Max turns 19 today. He spent the weekend working on his car. New muffler, various filters etc.

We hung out, I putzed in the garden, watched misc. movies, drank wine, slept late, never set the alarm. Ate too much. John & I went to Quaker Steak & Lube on a gift card. They have deep fried pickles as an appetizer! I was in heaven. So few people have them and I really love them!! Long, breaded spears with an awesome dipping sauce.

John left today for Norwalk, Ohio. Still eeking out work! A machine that was sold some time ago and just getting built, but work none the less. Aftre this there is nothing else, but he still has expenses to do from India, so that may take him to September at least.

My pals Mixter & Guy are off to the Creation Museum! They even offered to come and pick me up, but my work schedule was already set. Have a good time kids!! an't wait to see and hear all about this adventure!

So, I leave you now with a few snap shots of my excellent mental health weekend!!

Camp Pics & Stories

Great weekend camping. Even though a big storm came through, and we came home early, there was still enough fun , relaxation, drinking and trail hiking to make it all worth setting up tents and getting fire wood.

It was quite warm Friday and Sue & I got there early to set up tents and wait for the rest of the group to arrive. I had brought along a nice chilled Pinot Grigio, a very good hot weather summer white, and she had vodka and something. between setting up tents and playing with poles and rain flys we would sit down and have some more beverage. I was sweating like crazy!! It was hot and humid.

Once we were all there we sat and talked while I was chopping peppers, red & yellow, along with onions to put in the foil meal with chicken, kielbasa and various seasoning. Sue had brought a large quantity of potatoes already wrapped and seasoned in foil. I put the five pound bag of charcoal into the fire pit and we sat to talk and drink some more while waiting for the fire to be ready.

An important lesson was to be learned at this point. I now know why drinking was not an option when I was with the Boy Scouts. You simply can not cook a decent meal when intoxicated!! The potatoes fell apart and we could not save them from the fire. The chicken foil meals were a mess! The chicken was burnt so black that we were able to get maybe two bites out of the centers and the sausage was more like small charcoal briquettes. Lucky for us that we were all smashed and laughed until we all cried.....then we went to the snack box and made it do for dinner.

About midnight I simply was done. I had finished my wine and was ready for serious sleep. I guess they all sat up a bit longer and my friend Vince took a night hike until three in the morning and then went to bed.


I was up first and knew I had to get some water on to make coffee! I brought my French Press and a really good coffee. If you have never had a press let me tell you that it is an excellent way to have your cup 'a Joe. The flavor is the best and it also will kick your caffeination butt!! There were still hot coals in the fire ring so I just got it going again and put the pot of water on to boil. Sue brought some Starbucks cups to use. They have a Bux in the hospital where she works. Just the ticket, along with some almond cookies, to take off the hangover edge!!

Then Vince and I hit a few trails before the storm arrived. How I love walking through the woods. Surrounded by all the green. The trees, the moss, the ferns....I could have gone for miles! We finally had some time to discuss various topics such as cap and trade, the Obama and military smoking debacle, as well as a book that he going to give me to read about the secret societies/religion/Catholic church/Freemasons and the beginnings of man and this country. I can not remember the title, but he says that it is a fascinating read! I am looking forward to reading it. Vince was a political science major so he really knows his stuff, but we rarely have time to talk at work except for a few snippets here and there.

Now I am home and already looking forward to an August weekend. John will be laid off by then and we'll be able to take the dog. It is just too much for me to do without him along. It was amazing how much mental cleansing just that short time was able to give me. I know that I will be able to carry that with me for at least several days now!!

Doggie Tales

When we took our cruise, in 2004, we had two dogs and decided to kennel them for the week. Knowing what a burden it can be to ask people to make several trips to your house during the day and on weekends. Not to mention that people really do not care to spend as much time throwing tennis balls and talking to your dogs like you do. There is also the pain of taking time out of your day/routine/plans to take care of the dogs. So..... having said all of that..... John and I said that....well, I should say that I said that John & I would watch our friends three dogs for four days while they were out of town.

They asked if we would, I know the cost for three dogs would have been a good amount, so I said that we would. I know the hassles of kenneling, BUT...I also know the hassle of these three dogs! The oldest two are brothers and about six year old Labs, the puppy is only 6 months old and a Lab mix as well. They ARE a rowdy bunch of dogs. One of the older dogs takes hip medication and that will come in to play very shortly.

They called and said that they had decided that the puppy could remain out int he house during the day, but that he would get in his kennel at night. So, the first day that we arrive we got quite a surprise. The puppy had either totally eaten, half eaten or chewed up the following, and mind you this is a list of the stuff we found; a whole jar of peanuts, half clove of garlic, a bottle of fish food, a giant box of gum, the older dogs arthritis meds, a box of tea bags, and an asthma inhaler. His kennel was full of peanut poop piles and also other places in the room. Gotta love that!

Luckily I still carry latex gloves in my purse, from the EMS days until my credentials expire in 2010, and I had something to wear while cleaning up! We got them outside and made the call so they could get some more pills from the vet. Had them out for hours that day hoping he would get anything else out of his system.

Not so lucky. When I came back later in the evening I went right in the door and promptly slid through a nice wet pile of puppy vomit at the inside of the back door. Not having any gloves this time I had to use copious quantities of paper towel to clean up that mess. After they had also all ran through it on their way to the back yard. Good dogs!

Once through with that event he seemed to settle down as did the other dogs and the rest of the weekend went by without a glitch. We took over a bottle of wine and sat around their pool for several hours enjoying the sun, their neighbors and also friends of ours, came over with beer and we sat until dark. We have now decided that we want their house to be our summer time share and will let them know when would like them to go out of town again so we can use the place!! Although I will be sure to pack more latex gloves in my purse!!

Ahhhhh, Weekends, Fine Weather & Wine

Now, my good buddy Mixter knows that I had plans to drink for the both of us this weekend, and I want her to know that I did my best, BUT this photo is NOT from this weekend, but from a small back story that I am going to share momentarily along with a couple of bits about the weekend that I am still enjoying this morning!

This delightful photo comes to us courtesy of my hubby when he was in Qatar. It was early May and we were having that very unexpected weather in the upper 80's. I had worked all morning and then gotten home and walked the dog AND did yard work. I was not only hot, but tired as well. So it seemed the natural thing to do and have a nice, chilled bottle of a great summer wine!! A wine that went down REALLY, REALLY fast!

Then John called, on Skype, and I brought my laptop out in the back yard to sip some more wine and yak with him. I can not tell you how long we were in to the call, but at some point I passed right out, or should I say, fell asleep!! :-D Next thing I know he is playing some loud music in Arabic over the sky waves and wakes me up. "Nice nap?" He asks. I laugh and we continue, not knowing how long I was out I then receive the photo next day by e-mail. I laughed for a very long time. I am just glad that my laptop did not fall off my lap and into the yard.

The yard is exactly where I am sitting right now, as the sun is coming up, having my coffee and listening to as well as watching the birds. Yes, I have the day off and I am milking every bit of joy out of it that I am able. I plan to buy a few dollars worth of flowers and put them in the bare spots that are left in my garden. It looks like all the seeds John brought me from Australia are coming up. I saved the seed packets so I will be able to identify them and will post a few pics when they bloom.

Yesterday we spent the afternoon at friends having what I call a feeding and wine frenzy, beer for John. They had their pool open, but WAAAAY too cold for this gal. Only kids can tolerate pool water at this early in the summer. Our pal Ed always cooks like he is in the Army and also many varieties of meat, so I decided to allow myself a carnivores delight and had some of all of them. Nothing says summer like the taste of crispy, charcoaled meat from a grill!

Along with the usual, and plentiful side dishes, there were also PIES!! an I just tell you that both John and I were so full that we were really miserable! Both of us had to come home and put on pj's to be more comfortable. I think I may not eat at all today. Seriously, I am just now feeling human again and less like my dog.

Along with that there are three of us here and we are down to one car. The brakes just went out on Max's and, thank God he works the night shift, we are going to shuttle him to work and let him get a ride home.C an't help him out on this one, sadly. Now he can get a feel for real world stuff and see what he will face in a life without the military. That is a story for another time and one that I am not ready to talk about too much right now.

Work is going well and I am assuming the role of leader and playing the corporate game. Proudly serving my corporate master. Hopefully by fall I will have had all the trainings and be ready to take that promotion.

John is leaving at the beginning of June for India and that might be the last job prior to a lay-off. We are hoping not, but he does not believe that they have sold anything. With his company that can change in a split second, so never say die! He thinks there might be a job in Norway. We are hopeful. I do not relish the thought of having to try and live with unemployment. Things are very tight now, but there is a smidge of wiggle room, bu there would be absolutely zero of that with unemployment. We can only hope that India lasts a few weeks,. long enough to make a bit of money and have a few sheckles for an emergency.

Other than that....all is well and Hope it is also with you! Welcome to Guy and it is awesome to have his input and perspective here at the Mix!!!!!!! Guy, you know I adore your sense of humor and look forward to your posts!!

Phony Baloney

A week or so ago I had an experience. It was a slap in the face that I had never experienced. Until this particular day at the coffee shop.

I am what I am. I am the way I am and I don't try to come across as anything else, nor do I try to be different things to other people in other situations. If nothing else I am consistently ME!

A girl, that I know and have known for about 14 years and whose parents lived next door, came in to the coffee shop. I had known that she had gotten married in the last few years. I assumed that the khaki wearing, buttoned down shirt guy with her was the new hubby. Back when I had learned of her nuptials I was thrilled because she had dated quite a few different guys and none of the relationships had panned out.

When they came into the shop I noticed her right away and hollered out a ,"Hi"!, and was met with a look and such a half-hearted hello that I was immediately put in my place!! I was totally ignored. When they finally ordered and paid she introduced the hubby, but only told him my name and no mention of how we knew each other and just left it at that!! There was no mention of how we lived next door to her parents, how she spent a couple of summers house sitting and our dogs used to hang out together. We used to have beers and wine in the summers outside on the porch. Nothing but a perfunctory intro to the hubby and a quick exit from the store.

Then there was the dramatic change in her look as well. She is a hair dresser who has a few tattoos and has always been a little bit wild, but this particular day we saw a dramatic change in wardrobe, khaki pants and a plain button down and very "mom like" hair. This new hubby has two young kids from his previous marriage.

I have nothing against taking on the raising of kids and making a home, but to totally make over who you are to fit some neighborhood image of who you should be....that pisses me off. I think it is phony. Even when Max played football, I never fit in with those people/parents, but I remained true to myself and made the best of it. I never set about to re-make my image so they would accept me. That is my big issue here.
Be yourself! If you can not be accepted for yourself then why are you even with those people?

I know that I have gone through some people in all these years, but have held onto those who are/have been good friends. They have accepted me as I am and I have accepted them. That is what true friends do.

No baloney!!

Also Loving Life

Like my good pal Mixter I too am just loving life right now. This morning it might be -27 with the windchill, I have a stack of bills waiting for an envelope and stamp, trying to plan for Max's open house/graduation party/going away party... the list never ends, but I am loving life right now!! Thanks for making me think about this Mix!!

Yesterday I was enjoying a new beverage that was recently brought to my attention. A few girls, from work, took me out for my birthday. They bought a bottle of a Belgian beer that is infused with fruit, a Lambic, raspberries in this case. It can also be made with peaches, black cherries and apples.

Now, I am not a beer lover at all, but it looked really pretty. An awesome pink color with cool foam similar to champagne. I tried it and LOVED it! A bit sweet, but not too sweet and tasted NOTHING like beer. Only $11.00 for a big bottle. Low alcohol content so nothing that will really mess you up.

As my blogging buddy has stated, she has not been able to find anything pissy to blog about, I too have been having the same thoughts with the exception maybe the Starbucks corporate jet. I understand the timeline of purchasing one and that it is not something that just happens overnight, BUT..... when you are asking your employees to take large cuts in hours, 401K matching is coming to an end, amid lay-offs and closings...... it can tend to piss one off.

When you state that the company is going back to basics and you never get there and then you end up with a jet, in these economic times, you are just begging to piss people off. Your smiling, happy partners are going to tend to get a bit cranky and smile much less. Most of us need to keep our jobs, since they still are giving us health insurance, and tolerate the crap. We are only hopeful that it will get better soon.

If that is all I can find to complain about then I am doing well. Like Mix I am seemingly very happy right now. Strangely nice and wonderful things are going on in my life and that of my family. I am meeting and making some really great new friends, counting Mixter among them, and I seem to be finding less and less to complain about. Granted there are days that seem to go awry, but far less often and when they do I seem to have much more ability to deal with them. One thing that may be contributing is watching less news. I am reading things that are much more enriching rather than debilitating. That has made the biggest difference.

John and I are watching this excellent calming show in the mornings. We Tivo them and watch them over and over. Sunrise Earth on the Discovery channel. They are exactly w3hat you might expect, sunrises in various parts of the world. nothing but nature and water and quiet, calming sunrise. A fantastic way to start your day. Look for it if you can on your cable. You will not be disappointed. A great way to start your day with a cup of coffee.

Thanks again Mixter for getting me to acknowledge my gratitude and recognize how good my life is. It is good to be alive.

What Do I Know

Yesterday, as I was getting ready for work and listening to the morning talk radio, the morning wonks had a contest with this question, "What do you really know for sure"?, and I thought hmmmmmmmmm, that is interesting. It made me think about my life and many things. Thought that it would make an interesting topic for a blogging. So here goes...."What Do I Know for Sure"?........

I know that I can answer that question now at 40ish FAAAAARRRRRR better than I could have at 20ish. It is so amazing how much more focus you have when you do hit 40. I have a far greater ability to look at my life and appreciate it for what it is, and I have. I know that there are things I might like to have and do, but they are not gnawing away at me and I am not pining away because I do not have them, or can not do them.

I know that my personal relationships mean so much more. I don't surround myself with countless numbers of "mean nothing" people just so I always have people to go out with or do something with. I have friends that have value to me. They might be low in numbers, but high on what we can give to each other. I know that I don't take on friends lightly. I am much choosier about those that I spend my time with. Quality has taken over for quantity!

I know how valuable time really is and I don't waste it on frivolous pursuits. I only do what I want to do, when I want to do it. I have stopped spreading myself so thin. I say "no" to things. There are days when I will just have a glass of wine and watch junk food television! I may not even answer the phone! That is my time.. There are calls that can wait. I know that spending time on and with myself is a very valuable tool. I have a mental state that is much more intact!! I know that "I" used to come last in the line of things that I took care of, and now "I" come first!

I know how important my own health and physical care should be. That is why I started to eat better and take supplements and herbs. I started running. I write and read much more. These things are important to my overall well-being. This I know. You have to take care of the whole package or how can you be of value to others?

I know that I have finally found a place in life where I can love what I do and not care what others think about what it is I do. Used to be that I wanted to be able to impress with my career/work. Now I am happy that I am able to be with people I enjoy and have a job with minor responsibility, yet a good time. Not to mention the great health care plan!!

I know that I have reached a place in life, with my partner, that is a place of great comfort. I have come to a place of peace within my relationship. I have learned how to be a calming force. A giver. I know how important honesty is in a relationship. Commitment is a powerful entity. I know that by only being comfortable and happy with myself am I happy with someone else. I know that I can give more when I am full.

I know that I have finally become someone that that I am comfortable with and happy to be. How about you.... what do you know for sure?