EMS & Atheists

I am sure that most would agree that one of the most stressful things that could happen at work would be to spend the day with nothing but supervisors. Thursday I was the only EMT Basic on shift and there were many medics and Shift Supervisors as well as the Operations Director.


Well, the first tones went out around 8:00 AM and we were off! Went to a private home to care for a patient and were off to the hospital. It is after the run that my story picks up. Part of my training and getting off the probationary status is that I must pass certain tests and benchmarks. Driving is a very important part. I must drive back from the hospitals 3 times and show that I can maneuver on the expressway and make all the right moves and use all the correct equipment. All along this is with a supervisor in the seat next to me and another one in the back.

I was nervous AND it was our older ambulance, so it is not as comfortable and modern as the newest ones. I did not have time to really adjust the seat and mirrors as much as I would have liked. I was following the Directors cues and making all the correct turns etc. Then as we are driving along a neighborhood stretch there is a school zone with signs flashing, so I slowed down to 20. Not hard is this huge and heavy truck that has very little "get -up-and-go".

He tells me that I need to get in to the left lane to prepare to get on the expressway. As I check the mirror I see that there is a school bus coming up behind me and he tells me to remember my size and getting over. As I signal and begin the move I also see, out of the corner of my eye, a big playground ball bouncing into the street from the direction of the school. Director begins to say,"Watch out for that...." and then there is a big BOOM indicating that I had blown up the ball, but cleared the bus. I said, "Well, at least there wasn't a kid attached". Luckily the playground had a big fence. Although I had visions of all these little kids crying at the fence because I had flattened their only ball. Probably scarred for life.

Got on the X-way and hit 60-65 and made it back to station and even backed it in properly. Gave him the evaluation paperwork and I hope he has it filled out and in my box when I return on Wednesday. I know, after overhearing his phone call with our Medical Director, that they would like to hurry and get me "uncovered" off the probationary status because they need me to be able to drive and count as a real person.


Now on to other news..... I had previously heard about an atheist and author Christopher Hitchens on a morning chat show after Jerry Falwell passed away. I don't usually pay much attention to these folks because they usually are griping about the Pledge of Allegiance or the word God on our money and other misc. The reason that I bring it up today is because of an article in the Faith section of our Saturday paper. The article was about many new books that have been written, by atheists, and how today's political climate may be a big reason for this.


The idea seems to be that there is much greater open resentment about religion in today's political climate. The writer states that," Militant, theists writers are making an all-out assault on religious faith and reaching the top of the best seller list, a sign of widespread resentment over the influence of religion in the world among nonbelievers". Christopher Hitchens' book is titled God Is Not Great:How Religion Poisons Everything. Now, this is not a book that I will probably ever read, but I have to admit that it is an excellent title and probably has some merit. I mean, how many evil things are done or have been done in the name of God and / or religion. Religion, or people thinking that they are doing things on the side of religion have probably ruined many lives.


Hitchens goes on to say," There are a lot of people, in this country in particular, who are fed up with endless lectures by bogus clerics and endless bullying." I could not agree more. Even if one is a Christian how could you not find truth in that statement? Bad behavior in the name of religion is behind some of the most dangerous global conflicts and terrorist attacks in the United States, London and Madrid according to the atheists. As Hitchen states," Religion kills." Well he makes a good point. I can not argue with that.


The article , by Associated Press writer Rachel Zoll, contends that liberal outrage over the policies of Bush maybe partly fueling the sale of books of this type. Although she does point out that Hitchens famously supported the invasion of Iraq. Christian Smith, a sociologist of religion at the University of Notre Dame says, "There is this general sense that evangelicals have really gained a lot of power in the United States and the Bush administration seems to represent that in some significant ways." I have to agree. The fact that Bush considers himself "born again" bothers me because I think I was born okay the first time. I have no problem with a leader being a religious or Christian person, but I do have a problem when they let it control their work. I do not like all the ultra-conservative religious types that hang around and sway the policies etc. that govern this country. I may not think abortion is a good choice, but it should still be a choice that no one can govern. Personal choice with a person and what they personally believe. The same for gay unions. Why should a religious institution or organization be able to sway the things that they do not believe in or care for.

I do not consider myself a non-believer, although I think that they are right to protest the way the conservative religious groups are inserting their influence. It gives religion a bad name.

A Day to Catch-up

I took today off, not just so I could catch - up on blogging, I like you guys allot, but also so I could do laundry, finish gardening and do some basic utility things around this place. One day off a week just does not give one enough time to do much. Today I plan to finish this blogging, go buy the rest of my plants/flowers, vacuum up the mountains of dog hair that are floating around on my hardwood floors..... you get the picture.

Sunday night the son & I went to an outdoor concert featuring some of our favorite bands; Cobra Starship, Plus 44, Fall Out Boy and The Academy Is. It was a fantastic 5 hour show and we were lucky enough to have 4th row box seats. I danced and we sang and screamed all night. Needless to say I was a zombie all day Monday at the coffee mega giant. Good thing that they have my drug of choice there! If you put some real whip cream, vanilla and several shots of espresso in a very short cup it can do amazing things for you! Fall Out Boy put on a show full of pyrotechnics with confetti and giant cartoons on a screen and so much more. They did an almost 2 hour set. A great, great time.

I read a great quote in one of the newspapers yesterday that went something like this, and I do not remember to whom I should attribute it, but here it is anyway," Anytime I hear something that is told to me by a bunch of white men that call themselves the "moral majority" it makes me very happy to be a part of the "immoral minority". I wish that I had saved that article because I am not doing it much justice, but it made me think a great deal about what and who makes up this so called "moral majority".

Who decided that we needed one anyway? Was there someone (Jerry Falwell?) that one decided that the rest of us were all so damned evil that there needed to be a group to speak for and / or guide us? I really resent the fact that I am considered an immoral person. I want to know what the criteria is that he used to lump us all together and why are those other folks supposed to be so much better than me. On the fast track to Heaven I presume.


I consider myself to be a very good human being. I have not ever violated any of the "10 biggies", I am considerate of my fellow humans I basically live a good life. So, I guess it must be based on my political views. Oh..... I did not know that the Big Man /Person upstairs had a particular political slant. That even if I am personally Pro-Choice that I am automatically damned to hell fire and brimstone for eternity. If I don't care if gays & lesbians want some type of union I am to burn for time and all eternity.


So are they basically the thought police? That no matter what good you might do if your views are less than ultra-conservative you are to be seen as immoral. It continues to frighten me that there are such large groups of people that are walking around and continuing to spew such nasty crap. How can any sensible adult even believe that Gods wrath has been to put these wars and plagues and hurricanes etc. upon the masses due to behaviors that He deems inappropriate.


It seems to be that maybe they need to read their Good Book more closely, or less if that is the case, open their minds more to the realities of our times and maybe roll-up their sleeves and do some good old volunteer work and worry less about peoples private lives. I think they have too much time on their hands and they need to do more to be a better part of society instead of constantly critiquing and making themselves feel better about themselves.

Outsourcing

I have heard this term used in a variety of professional fields and in the business world, but it is quite another thing to hear the term used when one is referring to the war in Iraq. People have been talking for some time about the group Blackwater and their work in Iraq. Well, I am not going to ramble on much, but rather point you to an alrming article over at Mother Jones written by Jeremy Scahill who spent time with and reseraching their activities in Iraq and testified before Congress and has written a book about the entire mess.

First EMS Stories

Well, I had my first really busy day at the 'ol EMS shop. By the time the day ended my head was throbbing and I just wanted a glass of wine and some peace & quiet. I was also so sore, biceps and thigh muscles, that it took me 2 days to work out those kinks!!

For my 7-1 shift I am expected to arrive at 6:45 AM. The tones first went off at about 8:15 that day. It was also a code red. That meant that it was considered serious enough that we would be going lights and sirens. This person was the first one to throw up in my presence. It did not bother me. I also had wondered about getting car sick while working in the back of the ambulance, but you are literally so busy; moving around and actually working that you do not even realize that you are in a large moving vehicle. I walked all around the back of that thing. We got this guy to the ER and then decided, afterwards, to stop and get gas and some coffee.

The station we stopped at had a Dunkin Donuts. The other EMT was pumping the gas, the medic went for coffee and I headed right to the bathroom!! I really, really had had to go for quite some time. Everyone who knows me knows that I have a bladder the size of a peanut. Naturally that morning I had made the choice to have a 5 shot beverage from the coffee mega giant!! Not a wise decision. I have since decided that on my work days, with EMS, that I will drink a much smaller drink and empty my bladder often.

As I was taking care of business I can hear the medics pager going off and him yelling my name!! I finish quickly and run out to go the next call. It is also a code red and we take the next person the an ER with lights and sirens. The entire call takes about an hour. When we get the patient situated in his room we proceed to the EMT room where the other EMT, who is working on her paramedic license, fills out the reports. I am so dehydrated by this point that I get a Gatorade out of the fridge and watch and learn.

It is at this moment that the medic says to me, " Under different circumstances that might be a turn on" and I look to see that my zipper is wide open!! The pants that I am wearing are not mine. I was fitted for pants a few weeks ago, but until they come in I am wearing loaner pants that had been someone else's. I have to cinch the belt in a bit and that leaves some bulk material in the zipper area. So, since they were unzipped they were WIDE open!! Needless to say I did get quite red, but it did make for a good laugh at a much needed time!! I was already overwhelmed with knowledge and experiences that day.

We managed to make it back to the station where I was able to do my own training paperwork and quickly eat a PB&J when the next tones went off. Also a code red. It was a very busy day for me and I managed to work almost 1 1/2 hours past my normal shift. There is tons of paperwork to go around. My head was swimming. Learning where things are at different hospitals. Refilling items used on the ambulance from the various ER supply rooms. I felt like a rat in a maze. I must have gone through 6 or 7 pairs of latex gloves that day. I did so many things, and in such quick time, that I was not even sure what I did do and learn. You do become immune to the sounds of the sirens, but at the end of the day I drove home in an absolutely silent car.

It is hard, physical work. I am really going to have to kick a work-out into high gear to be able to keep this up!! The EMT's really do much of the grunt work, physical lifting etc. for the medics. That is where I need to be by next year. The lifting is the worst part. The vomit and blood do not bother me at all. The physical work is the hardest so far. I was exhausted.

It has truly given me a new respect for the people that do this work. It is much more than medical knowledge.

It's A Lot Like Drunk Dialing.......

I think we all might be familiar with the phrase and maybe even one or two of us might have had opportunity to apply the action in the past. Well, the same rules that apply with the phone should and ought to apply to blogging!! Nuff said about that.

Yesterday, Saturday, after I finished up my shift with the coffee mega giant I went outside to the patio, opened my backpack and got out my journal and about a months supply of the articles that I print from the web site Living Life Fully. I also receive a daily meditative article from them that usually has good writing prompts for journal topics. Well, I have been printing them, but have not taken any time to read them or do any writing and I think that it has been one of the huge factors in my sense of being overwhelmed.

In one of the articles, "Do You Need More Time" by Helaine Iris, how weird is that that I picked out that particular article? Or was it karma? Anyway, she had a quote that she had come across in an issue of Oprah's magazine from the Big O herself that stated," If you allow yourself to be depleted to the point where your emotional and spiritual tank is empty and running on fumes of habit, everybody loses. Especially you."

WOW!! That hit me square in the middle of the forehead!! I sat there stunned. That is exactly what I was doing. As the days went along I always had the intention of taking time out for me, because I always carry the reading and writing materials with me, but I kept allowing myself to be distracted and taken off task and so it got pushed aside. then I finally felt the devastating effects.

The article went on to say, " Our culture teaches otherwise, but the paradox is that you owe it to yourself and those who rely upon you to become more selfish. Yes. Selfish. You can put yourself at the top of your list without being mean or taking away from those who are most important to you."

Again, I say...WOW! What a concept. It is so true. After I made it a priority to sit down and do what I enjoyed and what I felt filled my tank back up AND rejuvenated my soul, I felt SO much better yesterday. Even after working 6 days and some of them were very busy and not much fun, I felt refreshed and came home and we spent time together and even went out to a nice dinner and had great family time together. Instead of feeling so tired and spent and just going to bed and talking to no one. It was very nice.

Another quote from yesterdays readings really summed it up for me. In an article titled, "How Do We Deal With Setbacks?" By Gary Egeberg excerpted from a book titled, "The Pocket Guide to Inner Peace" he says, " The process of resolving an inner or interpersonal conflict or handling an emotion we have struggled with for many years or decades, such as anger or fear, in a healthy manner is one that frequently entails making progress and suffering setbacks. A setback, though often painful, is not without potential redeeming value, for it frequently paves the way for a comeback and gives us the momentum to grow more than we would have had we not suffered the setback." This was exactly what was happening to me. I could feel myself growing right there in that patio chair, sitting in the sun outside on a beautiful Saturday afternoon at the coffee mega giant. It was exactly what I needed and now I know not put it off anymore for whatever reasons or other crap might come along.

We make time for household chores, we make time for friends which is often a very worthwhile activity, we make time for family and usually by the time we are done making time for everyone one and everything else we do not think it important enough to make time just for ourselves. Well, not anymore. I might work 6 days a week and a few loads may have to go unwashed and a few globs of dog hair may have to continue floating around on the floors, but I AM going to take that certain hour, or two, and make them my own. That time where I can read and write and flesh out my thoughts and emotions for the week.

I am going to take the time and fill up my tank. How could I not? The cost of letting it go is just to high of a price to pay for just an hour of time to be alone with my thoughts. We are all very busy people, getting pulled in many different directions and by many activities and necessities, but I encourage you to to take the time necessary to do whatever you personally find fulfilling in your lives that make you a better person and also make you a more fit person in your world.

P.S.

Hell, I'll be lucky to read or even write anything about the next election or the candidates!! So,,, I wish the best for us all!!!

Exhausted, Overwhelmed, Done & Giving Up

I am tired. I am tired & exhausted. That means tired and ready to give up. Tired of trying to work 2 jobs and get to the point where I am able to establish that second career. if I even thought that I might be bale to make it to, or through, paramedic school I now ask myself, "what was I thinking?"


It is just sheer craziness. I am getting tired of always trying to be "up" and bouy everyone else. I am also getting sick of trying to always be positive for everyone else. Where is the help for me? Where is my cheering section? Doesn't matter... it's too late now.


Here it is, only Tuesday, and already I can barely make it through the dishes, let alone get the laundry out of the dryer, and think about sheets or what I might have to do tomorrow!! I am ready, really ready, to just trash it all and just stay at home and do nothing and let myself be supported for awhile.


I am exhausted trying to take care of details and work 2 places and try and be everything to everyone else. How did I get to this point? How is it that som people can fall in a pile of shit and find their way to a life of "easy street" and I have had to work so damn hard for all these years? I guess I am just starting to get a bit resentful and jealous.


I'll admit it. With all my philosophical chatter I am still prone to the same human weaknesses. I want it all without having all the work. I am tired of having to work so hard. I want some of the fun without all the work.


My good friend just had a boyfriend that flew her to Florida to take care of his condo for a few days. How do people find that stuff? How do some get so fortunate? Why do others always have to struggle? I guess it all boils down to the fact that I am tired of the struggle and I do not think that I can put up the fight any longer.


What has brought this all on? Well, it is all too lengthy to delve in to, but a bottle and a few extra glasses of wine and an already too busy week have not helped. or ahould I say that they have contributed greatly. It is a good thing for spell check!!


It does not matter if anyone even reads this or even responds. I am just using it as an outlet. I also just notice that it has been almost 3 weeks since my last entry. I don't even have anything worthwhile to talk about right now because I am always too tired and too busy. I am lucky to have to stop in and see what you all are doing, maybe make a comment or two, and then it is either off to work or off to bed.


The fun never ends.

Did you know?

Thought that this was a cool video that the hubby sent to me.

Day One: Information Overload and Callouses

I should be studying my city maps right now. I should be reading and learning the departmental protocols. I should be..... but I have information overload today! In my 6 hour shift today we did not go out on any calls, BUT the paramedic, on my shift, went through my training material and by the time I left today my head was swimming and I had callouses on my palms.

Being the eager beaver, and hater of late people, I was the first person to arrive at the station, so I brought in the morning paper and turned on the lights in the day room. Then the rest of my crew began to arrive. I have to remember to thank my instructor for the heads up and shift suggestions. Thus far I really think I am going to like my Wednesday crew. We got along well and went out for breakfast. Good group, so that is a plus already!

Part of the on station training in intended to get you familiar with the vehicles and the tools of your trade and where to find them, how to use them and most importantly how to get them BACK into there space when you have finished with them. If you are short, like me just 5'5", either I will have to ask for assistance or make some repetitive jumping motions.

Most of the stuff is easy to use and has easy to find buttons or pumps or releases. It is the cot that actually took the wind out of me and left callouses on my palms. They had the smallest guy, at 185 pounds, lay on the cot while they had me practice moving him in and out of the rear of the ambulance. Not anything like class where we can only use the dummies. Nothing like an actual person who may also be tall and their feet are in your chest and face! Also, when you are a female, with smaller hands, it is not that easy to pull the levers to release the cot to move it up and down. Yikes! We spent a good amount of time on that activity and I was quite winded by the time we were finished. I am happy to report that I did not ever drop my new team mate. Good thing. So, thus far I am in solid with these guys.

Even before that I managed to bruise my left palm just going out to breakfast. I sat in the back and when I got out, never having shut the door of one before, I hit it to close to the door handle and let's just say that it hurt enough to make me want to say bad words. I refrained at the risk of looking like I did not know what I was doing. At least both hands hurt now and it will take my mind off of my aching triceps!! I did come to the realization that I need to work out even more and make good use of my free weights. We do have two workout rooms at the station and I think I am going to make good use of those as well. I definitely need more arm and upper body strength.

Then we climbed in back and began to pull out all the tubes and gauges and saline bags that go with setting up IV's for the paramedics. Learned how to check someones glucose level and change out an O2 tank. After that we turned on and got out all the parts of a heart monitor and AED. By that time I only had 45 minutes left on shift and they gave me a break, we went inside and watched some Antonio Banderas movie that was on HBO.

Good diversion guys!! Took my mind off of my aching hands. Dying of thirst I opted for a Diet Doctor Pepper and then it was time to pack up, say my farewells and unload the brain until tomorrows alarm clock and begin again for another day.

And I was wondering if this was going to provide enough fodder for blogging!!

Complaint Free Zone

Well, this is going to be an interesting test of will. I have sent off for the purple plastic bracelet that you can see in the photos. Since plastic bracelets have been all the craze since Lance Armstrong introduced his several years back.

I happened upon this particular bracelet while reading some article over at MSNBC. It is an interesting bracelet. While others, of differing colors, are all about various diseases, causes and wars etc. This one happens to be quite simple in idea. It is called the "No Complaints" bracelet. The challenge is that you do not complain, criticize, gossip or use sarcasm for 21 days. Each time that you do, you must switch it to the other wrist. Interesting. It also lead me to a web site called Daily Good which I think I am going to link to because it is an awesome concept that we should try and do something of a good nature every day no matter how small the action.

The man that started this bracelet is a pastor of a small church in Kansas. There is no charge. That is also quite interesting since all of the other ones are for purchase. they have a staff of church volunteers that take the orders and mail them. They caution that it may take 3 to 5 weeks to receive them, but that gives me time to prepare myself mentally for such an ordeal. I am already thinking about the challenges that I will face.

I don't think about the time that I spend using sarcasm or gossiping. Even if it is just small moments in time, like a 5 minute rant about a manager at work or about someone that cuts you off in traffic. I think that it might be a great way to not only become more stress free, but also less condemning of other people. The crabby lady in the coffee line might be running late for work or just had an early morning fight with her hubby or kid. Instead of me complaining about how rude she was I need to realize that she might have had stuff that affected her world that day.

As for the rude people that refuse to get off their cell phones as they try to order, well, they may just be plain out rude, but who am I to judge them? It is just my job to hand them coffee and take their money. So, they are rude, why should I care. It is the people behind them that will chastise them with their audible sighs and leering looks!!

I am sure that I will be surprised at the amount of time I use to complain. I wonder how much less conversation I will be having? Makes me smile actually. Now, I will still have to listen to other people complain, but I think that I am going to continue to share the info and the idea and see where it leads. They are free. It is a cool idea. It would be nicer if we were all a little nicer. Let me know if you decide to give it a try. I plan to track my progress on this blog and I'll let you know when I begin.

I wonder if the written complaint counts. Probably. I hope that I am still able to find something to write about!! I'm up for the challenge.

When They're Right, They're Right!!

Global Personality Test Results

Stability (66%) moderately high which suggests you are relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic. Orderliness (63%) moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly organized, reliable, neat, and hard working at the expense of flexibility, efficiency, spontaneity, and fun. Extraversion (70%) high which suggests you are overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense too often of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

Take Free Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

So, what are your demons?? :-) Care to find out?

Epiphany, Making Changes, Family & Friends

Today, as I was reading my inspirational reading/meditative thought for the day, it hit me quite literally between the eyes and I had one of those moments of epiphany. Where it all came together and I could really see the differences in many situations with people and things. For months, as I began writing almost daily in a journal, I began to see the many changes that were becoming more and more apparent in my life. Today was another of those days, and I have had many, but I am just choosing to blog about todays because I thought it was one of the more interesting changes or becoming aware moments.

While reading an article by Wilfred A. Peterson I came across this,"When we expect happiness to come to us from the outside we are usually disappointed. Happiness is not guaranteed by sunny weather, a raise in pay, a new car, a beautiful home or anything else of a material nature. External things are often possessed by very unhappy people. The source of happiness is not in events happening outside of us; the source of happiness is within us. We can not control the outside world but we can control our own thoughts and emotions. All true happiness is an inner experience. The only way life will change for us is when we change ourselves." ( Italics added for emphasis)

This is where I sat up straight and said, Wow! I realized many things all in that instant. One of them, that the reason that I have felt much happier, in recent months, is due to the fact that I stopped feeling competitive. I stopped wanting to have everything that my friends had and started to only get what I actually needed. I stopped letting myself feel that I was as good as them if only I had cool stuff too. I let my life to be run material crap. A tad shallow indeed. yes, I realized that I have enough stuff and do not need to add to anymore clutter in my home or life. As a matter of fact I am really trying hard to "de-clutter" myself.

I am also finding much more satisfaction from my family rather than looking outward for approval. What was I thinking? I was trying to get other shallow and insecure people to validate my sense of worth when they too are trying to hunt for their own validation! That doesn't work for any of us. After spending months listening to a certain friend, or person that I used to think was a friend, yammer on and on about their problems and life etc., without ever coming up for air to ask more than a cursory question about mine, I realized that this person was just using me as an audience. Kind of like they were the Pope and I was having an audience with her and she would listen to a snippet here and there and throw me an occasional bone of a nod or a thought and then we would quickly turn back to her life. Which by the way she thinks is far more interesting than mine. Mine is far less complicated and far more calm and fulfilling. Which I only came to realize in these last few months.

Now, I am no longer looking outside my own walls for happiness. It can be found within your own walls. Sharing time doing nothing or playing a silly video game or watching a comedy show. Talking on a short car trip. It really is all about sharing. the more you share and the more you put into this thing the more you get back. Who better to do this with than your family? Those that you live with. yes, I know that they say that a good girlfriend is very important, but those relationships are few and fare between I believe. Yes, I have one very good friend that I have had since high school. But good relationships between grown women are a rare bird indeed. It is hard to find friends that do not feel the need to be competitive with you, or "one up" you. It is especially sad when you have put a good amount of time into a friendship only to find out/or realize that they were not a good friend and that you are easily replaceable and have been replaced!!

Your inner happiness means so much more than the trappings of daily living. if you are happy inwardly then the rest just falls into place. This is what I am discovering right now. I am so much more peaceful these days, past months, due to this new sense of happiness. This path to personal enrichment has done good things for me. It has caused me to look at myself and really make changes in the areas where I was lacking. Each day I try to approach as the best possible me that I can be. I am trying to speak only good of everyone, and yes, that is a difficult challenge, but one that is a noble goal. As the lotus flower grows in mud, but is not affected by it, so is the way that I would like to live my life.

I almost believe that y being on this quest for meaning in life that it is causing me to shift my focus and my paradigms and forcing me to look at situations in new and improved light. That is a good thing. When we become complacent in our lives is when the boredom sets in and when we begin to question everything. If we look at what we have and make the effort everyday to appreciate it and those around us...well, that is when I think that we re-discover a vitality in ourselves and that makes everything seem new again. That is a great feeling to have every day!!

Driving Miss Dharma

Well, I must admit that I had not been sleeping all week and was quite nervous about my driving class yesterday. I had to be there at 7:00 in the morning and had not idea how long it was going to last. I also had to get to my moms, it was her birthday, and so I had that pressure too.

I have not ever felt that my driving skills were technically very sound. I always think of myself as just basic. Well, I actually proved myself to be quite capable. We spent a few hours going over legalities and rules of the road and the science of shifting loads and driving with several people and oxygen tanks behind you. The difference between Code White driving and Code Red lights and sirens. Then the took us out to a huge parking area where we had to help set up the cones for a massive driving course.

I don't know about where you live, but it was unbelievably cold here this week and yesterday the wind was bitter cold and totally insane!! We were freezing. After setting out all the cones we each had to drive the 2 different vehicles through a variety of courses. Slalom, forward and reverse, tight alley, parallel park, tight turn and several others.

I had the slalom first. Forward was not too bad, but reverse had me very worried. I used the mirrors as instructed and ......I nailed it all!!!! YES!! I was awesome and I am quite proud of myself. I only nicked one cone. One stinkin' cone and that was in parallel parking, but I did it. I can fricking parallel park a huge ass ambulance!! I have to admit that I was on a mental high when I got home.

I did so well that my trainer actually let me drive back to the station, but he also let me pull it in to the station bay in reverse!!! Now, this is just the beginning, but I have so much more confidence now that I think I will not loose anymore sleep.

Monday I have to call the uniform guy and begin to get fitted for all my pieces parts and then I am on the schedule to begin my shift on Wed. the 18th. I will work 7am-1pm every Wed. & Thurs. and am free to pick up any shift after that. IT is all finally coming together. Even though there is still much paper work, and I hate paper work, there is much fun and experience to be had.

Dharma Needs

So here's the meme: you go to Google and type in your name + "needs" and see what comes up. Here are some of the things that I found out that I needed!!

Dharma needs: To give herself some credit. (I have been feeling very doubtful this week)

Dharma needs: To be on more talk shows. (Someone let Oprah know!!)

Dharma needs: A break. (Wow, these could not be more accurate right now! I am WAY overloaded!!)

Dharma needs: To do what she needs to do. ( I am aware of this and just need to gather my wits)

Dharma needs: Fun with toys. ( Does wine count as a grown-up toy?)

Give it a try and see what you need!!

Shattered Lives

It comes as no surprise that we continue to read and hear about young men coming back from Iraq and having episodes similar to this young man. It really, really brought tears to my eyes as I read this in today's New York Times.

Sam Ross is only 24 years old and his life is irrevocably changed. Granted, this young man came from a family & life that was alleged to have already had troubles, BUT the treatment, or lack thereof, that he received after his injuries sounds quite typical to what we have been hearing and reading about as more and more of these young people come back with catastrophic bodily and mental wounds.

Remember, a post I had awhile back, from a military psychiatrist, stated that they had far too few mental health professionals on hand to help these soldiers deal with these issues once they were back stateside. These are issues that must be dealt with and that can not be ignored. otherwise they are relying on self help with drugs and alcohol which can lead to very dangerous behaviors. They are not in their right mind.

This young man is an example of the poorer, small town country folk, that are being pulled in to, or lured, with the idea that they can go to college after they get out or maybe it is the only way out of a very small town. Now, I know what some might say, that there are many young people that go willingly, from these small towns and enlist, yes, this is true, but the numbers from the small towns has been proven to be hugely disproportionate to the numbers from bigger cities. A demographer, William O'Hare and a journalist, Bill Bishop worked with the University of New Hampshire's Carsey Institute, which specializes in the overlooked rural areas in this country. Their study produced numbers that stated that for rural soldiers (24 million per million adults aged 18-59) the death rate is 60% higher than for soldiers from the cities and suburbs (15 deaths per million). These small towns have usually lost their job base and there is little left for these young people to do other than join the military. Granted, they may go willingly, but the numbers still point to the fact that the recruiters seem to be pulling them in in larger numbers because they have noted these facts themselves.

I am not feeling sorry for Mr. Ross because his early life seems to be one of some amount of chaos. I think he may have been looking for his way out and due to the lack of care, as we have been hearing in many accounts , he has fallen farther into an abyss that he may see no light at the end of the tunnel. How many more must return to face such uncertainty? The mental and physical demands that have been placed on these soldiers has been huge, isn't it about time they they received the help that they deserve?

The Fratellis - Flathead

A video from my favorite new band. Scottish bar punk rocers. Love them!! if you haven't checked them out give them a listen. Love the album cover and hope to find a tee shirt from it.

Odds & Ends, Coming Attractions & More

Here we are, at the end of another spring break, and no tan, no huge hang-over tales, no strange condoms on the floor along with assorted beer and tequila bottles. Good thing, but it sure was hard to control my mom this weekend!!!

I took the week off, originally, so Max would have someone at home through the week and John was going to take some time off and we were going to get a car. Well, you know how it goes with the best laid plans and all.... he ended up having to go to Boston and then my mom came up for 4 days. So a new plan took affect.

We jumped in to plan B and decided that we would just roll with the punches and make other car dates, but as karma would have it they called with my orientation date, how long have I been finished with the class and waiting on this, AND a date to begin the drivers training as well. When it rains you know!! So, this Wed. I will go for my 4 hour orientation, get fitted for uniforms and boots and have to look at schedule options and choose one. I hope I have at least a few days to make my choice. I know it is going to be a day shift, which runs 6:45 AM to 12:45 PM. My former instructor is going to give me a heads up as to which days they think I would be best suited as far as fitting in with the team that is already put together. I am hoping that I can give them a start date of April 23rd as the coffee mega giant already has me scheduled through hat date.

I begin the drivers training at 7:00AM on Sat. What an ungodly hour to begin maneuvering a big ass ambulance. I better get up early, but not do too many espresso power shots! Would probably not be beneficial to me to be uber shakey. Have to hold together the road rage thing as well, don't you think?

So, as I said my mom was here for several days and I am in the process of recovery from that. Not that she's a problem, but I just eat too much when she is here! We hit every thrift store, that I know of, in 2 counties! I was exhausted. We both got some good deals on the first day, but we did it for 2 days and after that we were both beginning to pick stuff up and walk around with it, but then put it back and find reasons why we did not need it. Like, how many more funky purses do I really need? Plus we both hate to try stuff on. If it doesn't look like an automatic fit we both put it back.

In one town we went to an old greasy spoon coffee shop, I have not been around that town for maybe 13 years or more, and can you believe that the waitress ended up being someone that had, at one time been a very close friend. I hardly recognized her! I finally told her who I was and she had not recognized me either. Well, she looked pretty rough and raw and with good reason. She informed me that she had quit drinking because she has had 10 DUI's and can't drink anymore. I asked about marriage and kids, but we both laughed, hey, with 10 DUI's who has time, outside of jail to make room for relationships!! We had been hard partying pals and the one thing was...she was a nasty, crazy and mean drunk. Sad to see. I had always thought that she was a prettier girl than me and was always more popular with the guys, but now she looked at least 10 years older than me and much harder. Makes you think.

Brought out 4 Brothers, with Mark Whalberg to watch with mom. I have seen it before, but love it and, as you know, any movie he makes. She had never seen it, so we had wine and some great spinach alfredo pizza and some good 'ol shoot'em up gun movie violence. Nothing like a good mom movie night!! By the way, John and I just saw him in The Shooter. Not that great, but who really cares. I would go and watch him read the phone book if it had action and fast cars and shoot'em up. We all have our tendencies and short falls.

So, today it was back to getting ready for the week. Made some pre formed cookies for Max, oatmeal choc chip, and got laundry caught up and watching some misc. stuff on the tube. By the way we also watched the Ohio State Final Four game and it was fun. She is a big Ohio State sports fan. Looks like the last game will be a good one.

So, there you have folks. The weekend wrap up and coming attractions. Things are beginning to pick up and I believe that once I get rolling that I will have some fun stories to blog about with regards to the new job. For now, I must get another glass of wine and let the dogs out yet again. They say it may snow here by the weekend and I am not too happy, but what can you do? I was lucky to have such a nice week off.

The Debate & Wounded Soldiers

And the debate continues to rage onward. Before I continue though I have to tell you that my girlfriends son was hit by an explosive device in Iraq. He was driving, she believes, and was inside the vehicle. The kid walking alongside was not so lucky. He perished. The vehicle was blown up. She is not given much information, but believes at this point that he has all of his limbs and suffered a serious concussion. He is hospitalized. He was due to return home, for a year, on April 9th. For now, this is all I know.

On the talk radio ,yesterday, there was a huge debate about people who claim to "support the troops", but not the war. I consider myself one of those people. The guy hosting the chat said that people who make that claim are undermining the moral of the troops and their families. Well, let me tell you, from someone who knows people first hand, they do not begrudge me my stance and basiaclly he feels that people over here are free to do what we want as long as we don't refer to them as "baby killers" and crap like that. Which I do not.

I know that it is the job that they take on when they do join the military and I do not hold that against them. They are doing what their job trains them to do. What I can speak against is that we have a government that has manufactured a terrible, nasty situation to put them in and I do not like that one bit!!

There was a mother that called in to talk about how proud she is of her sons etc. That it bothers her and so on to hear people speak their mind. Well, there will be people like that, but they seem to be a bit more of the narrow minded, blindly following type. My friend knows that I stand with the peace vigil on Sunday nights to silently protest against Bush and this war. She knows how I feel, hell, she doesn't like it anymore than we do. She is also very proud of her son and repsects the mans job that he is doing over there, but she would never tell me that I could not be against this ugly war. She knows that I worry and support her son right along with her and her family.

I beleieve that everyone is entitled to have their opinions about this mess, but I really am beginning to resent those that are, once again, bringing up and making it seem as if the rest of us are "un-American" and "un-Patriotic" if we even say anything against it. Just because they believe everything hook, line and sinker, doesn't make them a better citizen of this country or a better American than any of the rest of us that do not suport this war.

Summer 2007 Kick Off, Chardonay and Tattoos

It was a FANTASTIC weekend to formally kick-off the 2007 summer cookout & wine drinking season!! It was 73 here, on Sat., and the urge to have a burger/brat and a nighttime fire was literally overwhelming. We were running around and doing outdoor stuff all day. The dogs were out all day and slept some of that time. It was really great for the mental health to finally be bale to sit outside and enjoy the yard and sun.

There you also have the new tattoo. A symbol of my continual search for meaning. The OM symbol, Hindu, that can represent a Higher Being and allegedly the sound made at the creation of the universe. Coming out of a Lotus blossom. The symbol of wisdom. It also grows out of the mud, but is not affected by the mud that surrounds it. The goal that I would like to set as the way I would like to live my life. I believe that it will be my last. Not only did it hurt like hell on the back of my neck and it is healing slower, but there is no other really good place to put one and I have also said what I want to say and made enough personal statements.

John (SO) left for Boston this AM and may be there until April 10th. Then he may go directly to the Netherlands. So, we never did get to use this vacation time to get a new car, but now that he is gone again it is not a problem.

My mom is coming up on Thursday and we are going to have a few good days of real intense thrifting. I am excited and so is she because we both enjoy bargain hunting. We will probably hit some luch out and then she will leave on Sunday and I assume I will be back to work Monday. Or should I say.......

Back to the "grind".

Real Mom Meme

Thanks for the meme tag Mixter! Like yours this will be a long one. Men folk, the accompanying photo is one of hilarity, so don't get your panties all in a bunch! :-)

Like you Mixter I am a far cry from the traditional mommy and I have not often followed that path. Oh, I had big plans; I was going to make all my own baby food, wear cloth diapers etc. & so on. Well, you know how the best laid plans often go awry, he wore disposables and ate Happy Meals, so as with the rest of my story/meme I think that makes me a 'real mom" and not someone else's idea of one. Here goes......

I am around Mixters age, so I have a 16 year old and also think that we have done a damn good job in today's society. He doesn't do drugs, drink or smoke and makes no bones about it. he has done many things from school sports to piano and guitar. he skates and bikes and has very diverse musical interests as well as a highly developed dry sense of humor for his age. Maybe this grows out of being any only child. I won't say that there have never been any hair pulling moments, but that has to be a rite of passage for both parent and child. I have a friend whose kid was SO perfect and good through childhood that now, at 21, has changed colleges 4 times and was kicked out once for poor academic performance and hates his mother. So, I do not think that claiming to have the perfect kid or even expecting it is a good thing or one that you should put on their shoulders.

I too belong to the casual, Mixter style of housekeeping. I have a pot-it on my fridge that says," A disorganized home is a sign of life being lived." When I was younger I tried and thought that you had to have the home ready for company at anytime. I was almost OCD about items being in their places at all times. Boy, am I happy to have gotten past that!! It happened when I went back to college as the mother of a 2 year old. It may have saved my life. We have dust and some spots have clutter, but who cares? I think our home is comfortable and relaxed and very inviting. We have lots of family photos on the walls, so what if the frames have some dust on them, better to be happy and proud than to worry what someone will think of my cleanliness habits. My kitchen counters are clean and my toilet bowl, what more is there? My house does not stink and we have clean laundry. We also have 2 dogs and dog hair enough to make a sweater business. I am not a freak about washing windows or feel the need to vacuum daily. If I get to the windows once a year, fine. If I vacuum once a week it will do.

As for SO and myself we have reached a very comfortable place in our relationship. He was, at the beginning, someone that was so very different from me and I thought we had nothing in common. He is the most honest and trustworthy person that I have ever known. He is tolerant and has weathered every change in haircolor as well as personality that I have gone through in life. I am very fortunate. I am hyper, while he is mellow. I am excitable while he remains calm. A very definite yin-yang.

As for my childhood... there is not much to say. IT had a certain amount of severe dysfunction, which doesn't matter after all these years, but I am sure that it helped shape parts of me. Many that I have re-worked and made even better. That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger and I believe that. I am a very strong person.

Max, I think, has had or would say that he has had a great childhood. He has had opportunities like I never did, but isn't that usually what we want for our kids? At 14 he got to spend 7 days on a cruise of the Eastern Caribbean. As an only child he has always had our attention and never been ignored or neglected. He has been able to pursue many interests and musical avenues. He may have wished for siblings, but it was not meant to be.

Never tried breastfeeding. Heard too many horror stories about infected and inflamed nipples and just cringed at the thought. I got tired of all those Laleche League women that swore I was a terrible mother and he would not grow up right etc. He is 6 feet tall and 165 pounds right now. Good health. I think the bottle was okay!! We also bonded just fine.

Had a C-section and would have done it again had the opportunity arose! He was turned and there was not enough room to try and move him around. he was in there so tight, actually, that he "popped" when he came out. Like a cork! I do not think it makes me any less of a real mom not having gone through all the pain of labor etc.

A very, very sad and quite emotional time of our lives was a period of about 1 1/2 years while we visited a fertility doc and spent many thousand of dollars trying to get pregnant before I was 40. Many, many early morning drives to his office, with a sample jar of sperm under my armpit, as I would lie there for hours getting inseminated. Then the weeks waiting. All the tests etc. Then SO got laid off and we lost health care and had to abruptly stop. Again, a very serious test in our relationship as I went through a very serious depressive time. It took me a VERY LONG time to come to terms with the fact that it was not ever going to happen. A dark time in our lives.

We are basically a very happy family. Maxs friends see me as the cool and whacky mom with the crazy hair that changes colors often. The kids at school all know me from the coffee mega giant and the crazy hair.

Oh yes, I am a "real mom". I juggle all the elements and at the end of the day still feel like I have done, and am still doing, the best that I can do

Thanks Mixter, this was fun. Maybe I will tag Rachel over at Indigo Luna. She is a mom, like us, but also very non-traditional as well.